After my 8 billionth sleepless night, I’ve finally decided to go ahead and implement one of my less robust business ideas: Rent a Toddler.

Need an excuse to justify your age inappropriate love of trick-or- treating? Consider Rent a Toddler.

Need an exercise regimen that ensures that you never ever get to sit down ever again? Rent a Toddler has the workout for you.

Want someone to decorate your walls with permanent marker and peanut butter (or the occasional sundry body excretion)? Tired of all the predictable emotions and long for the company of someone who will melt your heart with love and cuddles one second, only to have you debating whether you should call animal control or a priest after you give them the wrong color popsicle? Or maybe you’re tired of sitting by and wondering what it’s like to be awoken every two hours with a round house kick to your jugular.

Wonder no more- Rent a Toddler has your solution to all these challenges and more!

F̶o̶r̶ ̶l̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶r̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶y̶m̶ ̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶s̶h̶i̶p̶ ̶ FREE, available to g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶h̶o̶m̶e̶s̶ ANYONE WHO’LL TAKE HIM FOR A FEW HOURS, you too can have a toddler.

Call today!
Right Now!
Please?!?!

**Legal disclaimer:  if you have Tiffany stemware, expensive furniture, dry clean only clothes, a vibrant love or social life, ambition of any kind, or any desire to cling to your sanity, Rent a Toddler may not be for you.

Rent a Toddler